Just doodling :)
Monday, July 12, 2010.. Around 5pm.. So I was sitting in a jeepney on my way home. As usual traffic jam sa Sauyo Market + hot, humid day + heavy baggage because of my laptop and loads of work that needs to be done + negative thoughts, fidgety, no focus, seems like finding something that can make me feel better + taba is playing on my mind + missing him +teary eyes =BUANG.
I felt my tears falling down my cheek, suddenly biglang natauhan..I notice people are staring at me. Nakakahiya, sobrang stress.. Then I simply ignore them and just dished out my money for jeep fare. My phone vibrate… I check on it. -One new text message has arrived, Select “GO TO” to view it now- From taba. Were having a conversation kasi about are relationship, cause we just broke up 2weeks ago. That’s the reason why Im so BUANG. While reading it and trying to stop myself for being so emotional, aside from I made a promise not to cry anymore, nasa public place ako at ayokong mgkalat ng kahihiyan.
I wasn’t aware whats goin on, I heard voice, I think she’s yellin, maingay din kasi ang HATAW jeep na nasakyan ko. Yun pala, may magnanakaw. Puntirya nya, cellphone ko. Since im lost, I ignore the Ale and continue texting.. (with teary eyes).
I saw a teenager, black skin, black shirt and shorts, with matching Goodmorning towel hanging from his shoulder, with emo hair, parang adik a.k.a. JEJEMON. Sumisilip sa bintana ng jeep, I knew it… He’s a snatcher. I knew he was gonna grab my phone. Hindi na ako nagulat. Seriously, wala ako pakelam sa paligid ko. I don’t even care kung kunin man nya phone ko. But still, hindi ko binigay. Naisip ko na it’s a Palm Treo, Mahal. Kapag nawala, walang pambili ng bago. He’s trying to snatch it, Mas lalong humigpit ang hawak ko.. He still trying to get it, then my phone slip away from my grip… Buti nakarecover, Nahawakan ko ulit. It took 10seconds bago sya sumuko, 10 sec is long para sa isang eksenang nakakatakot. While this incident is happening, seryoso, feeling ko my background music ako ng Heartbeat then konting slowmotion… Kala ko movie… Then sumuko sya, he just ran away. I mean he just walk away.. Parang sanay na sa masamang Gawain. No one helps me, the Ale yell at me again, pero di ko sya marinig, parang slowmotion pa din ang lahat, seryoso. Nakatingin ako sa labi nya, trying to read her lips, but my thought is too loud, I cannot concentrate. The passengers are smirking, saying.. “Buti ndi ka nadale, txt ka kasi ng text” Alam ko, it’s my fault. Pero ndi niyo ko tinulungan, are you saying that I deserve it kasi burara ako? Sana pla I let the thief na kunin ang phone ko, baka sumaya pa sila lalo. Lalo ako nanlambot, saka ko naramdaman yung takot. Good thing, he didn’t hurt me. He didn’t stab me. Naisip ko he’s still a good man, yung iba jan, makanakaw lang, pag nanlaban ka, sasaksakin ka pa. The passengers still, ako ang topic, pero im ignoring them, hindi naman sila makakatulong sa akin. Tapos I pray, thank God walang nangyari sakin. Super thank you.
Naisip ko, lahat ng tao my problema, my problem is not the worst, actually I am blessed, pero hindi sa lovelife. Some people have to do stuff against the law just to survive, some people have to act like an animal even if they hurt others just to have what they want.. Pampalubag-loob, pero not effective for me.
After what happen, never na ko nglabas any gadgets in public, kahit bored na ako sa traffic, ndi na ko na nilalabas ipod ko, madameng masamang elemento nakakalat sa tabi, kung mayaman ka, pagkalandakan mo gadgets mo, pero kung katulad mo ako na hirap mg ipon para makabili ng mga bagay na ndi nmn gaano ka importante, just keep it, for your own safety na din. Keep safe everyone.
I’ve watched I love you goodbye last last night since holiday naman. There are lines na nakarelate ako, then suddenly, di ko napansin I’ve got teary eyes na pala. The movie reminds me of him. Then bigla na lang ako humagulgol cause I’m missing him so so much.. And I can’t get over him. I prayed, asking God for help. Help me na makalimutan sya.. Help me to stop loving him. Haay.. Tapos bigla ko nakatulog, nakatulog sa iyak.
Tapos I had a dream.. That I am dead. As in chugi.. Deadbull.. I don’t know if its just a dream or totoo, pero before that nabangungot kasi ako, I want to get up pero ambigat ng pakiramdam ko.. Then ayun, bgla na lang ako nanaginip. Im not sure..
I heard voice. A man’s voice. We’ve talk pa nga.
Jac: Halah! Asan ako?
The place was like.. err.. parang isang garage.. futuristic.. I can describe it as “FUTURISTIC GARAGE”?? Parang work station ni IronMan.. Weird noh..
Jac: Gusto kong bumalik sa bahay.. Shit nasan ba ako.
(Not exactly the dialogue pero kasama yung shit! Hehe)
MV (Mysterious Voice): Patay ka na..
Jac: Takte! Gusto ko makabalik!!! Andami ko pa gusto gawin!!
Super weird, kaya feeling ko panaginip lang. Pati mga lines ko sa dream pang telenovela.
MV: O sige, kung gusto mo talaga makabalik, follow my instruction.. Pumili ka which way ka dadaan.
After a moment, biglang nag iba ung settings, there are 3doors,
After a few moment, wala ko Makita kundi light lang. tapos super white ung lugar. Nakakasilaw. Now this is really weird, Pang telenovela talaga ung setting.. I ignore it lang..
Mas lalong nagging weird, naging bilihan ng tinapay ung setting.. haha! Andun na yung family ko, Im looking at them, then my ate hug me.. Im kinda confused kasi never nman kame naging close. Sa isip ko, “anung problema nito??”
Joan: Jac!! Andaming tinapay oh!
MV: Pili ka kung san ka bibili. Kahit ano bilin mo.
Jac: Bakit andaming tinapay??
I open my wallet, andaming pera!! So si ako naman, orayt! Sige bili!
Then my mom ask me na bili sya ng hopia.. Hehehe. Ang weird talga..
So nakabili na nga. Then after we pay all of them. Joan pulled me sa next bakery..
Joan: Aaay, mas masarap pla dito. Mas madame pa.. bili tayo nito jac!
MV: Hindi na pwede, pinili mo na ang isa. Hindi pwedeng dalawa ang pabilhan mo.
(talking to me)
Hindi ko alam kung naririnig ni Joan ung voice, parang ndi kasi na mention sa dream ko. Hehe..
Tapos nakalimutan ko na ung iba. Basta nakita ko lang duon is ung dream house namin magkakapatid for mama.. Ang ganda! Sobrang simple..
Ang last na natandaan ko.. im in a box, naka hati sya horizontally. Black and white again, kasama ko si teresa Navarro. Ewan ko why involve sya. Gulo. Tpos we hold hands,
MV: Wag kaung bibitaw. Just hold tight. Wag aapak sa kulay itim. Wag lalagpas sa bahaging madilim.. Mag antay ka hanggang sa makarating ka sa realidad.
Huh?? Realidad.. Panaginip ba talaga to.. So surreal..
Jac: Tere, hawak ka sakin. Wag kang bibitaw.
Tere: Hindi talaga ko bibitaw, gusto ko din makabalik noh!
Then i saw tere’s hand, hinawakan ko ng mahigpit, blurry p nga ung paningin ko sa dream.
After a few moment,nakabalik na kame sa Futuristic Garage.
Jac: Wag ka muna bumitiw sakin! Wala pa tayo sa realidad. Eto ung kaninang pinanggalingan ko.
Tere: Tangeks, dito na tayo. :Lage ka na lang kasi walang tiwala., kaya nagkaganyan kayong dalawa.”
WTF?? Eto ba mga answers s prayers ko? God is lecturing me because of my mistakes. Baka eto ung paraan para malaman ko lahat ng mali ko. Ang weird. Baka ganito sya makipag contact sa mga taong humihingi ng tulong sa kanya?
Jac: Hindi, baka kasi hindi na tayo makabalik eh! Mahirap na!
Tere: Lage ka na lang naninigurado. Eh hindi naman lahat ng alam mo tama.
Anu ba to, parang lahat na lang ng sinasabe nya may laman. Gulo.
Then tere step aside, trying to lose from my grip. Binitawan ko. We both step out sa malaking box. Nakita ko mama ko sa labas ng garage. Pero hindi pa daw ako pwedeng lumabas. Kasi my monster daw sa labas, huh??
Unti unti ng nagiging morbid ung dream ko.
Nakalimutan ko na ibang scene. Hindi ko na din maintindihan mga pangyayari, may nangbabasa pa ng tubig sa panaginip ko para hindi ako makalabas sa Futuristic Garage. Hehe.
Tapos, hindi ko na alam, bigla ako nagising. 6pm na! Lagpas 12hrs akong tulog.
Hindi ko manintindihan ung panaginip ko. Basta ang alam ko, may gustong iparating, Ewan. Kelangan ko ata ng Dream Catcher, Whatever it is, I have to analyze muna. Kapag alam ko na. Im gonna write it down here.
So yun lang muna.
